we're all mad here

it's literally the night before this is set to post and i'm typing from start to finish. here goes nothing.

i've typically been an alright writer. i've pretty much always been a procrastinator, or put in a more positive connotation, i perform very well under pressure.

but do i, reeeeaaally though?

with tasks, yes.

with life's / the universe's various tests, i sure am working on it!

that's a whole different type of pressure. it's like soon as you think you've got it mastered, you got your self-talk together and you tranquil AF and then shit just goes left. with me personally, that means i ain't do somethin' right (you see what i did there).

in this walk of growth, it's up to me to take that step back and woo woo woo right quick. this isn't like a sitcom scene when things get heated and there's somebody physically present to hold me back - it's just me, my mind, and that split second before a reaction comes out my mouth or upon my face or through my body language. it's really a spiritual battle, because that peace within must get to a point where it's strong enough to feel like there IS some "body" literally holding me back.

because i know my mouth can get me into worlds of trouble. because when i get to a certain level of frustration, i have a way of not backing down. because it's better to be a mediator than a mess - maker. because i know better.

it's tough to be the bigger person. it's tough to take a moment in the midst of a meltdown. it's tough to be mid-shit-hitting-the-fan on the surface and take a deeper look into where is this really coming from? whether it be an argument with another party or with our own selves, it's usually a lot deeper than we may be willing to look. and even when we do take a deeper look, sometimes THAT is even scarier. it's hard work, but it's worth the struggle. you've got to uncover some serious things and it's not going to happen overnight. you might have it all together and are on a great path, but something surface level causes a trigger and you're right back. we've all been there and i'm sure at some point or another we'll unwillingly visit again, but "practice makes practice". not perfect because nah fam, but having a continual practice of picking yourself back up without judgement or anger but instead with peace, love and gratitude is one of the most beneficial things to get into.

keywords here : continual practice.

keep at ittttttt.

can't stress that enough.

i myself am getting it together day by day, because let's face it, that's all we got anyway.


'til next time, m'loves. be well & be love.